photos by Tell The Birds
Mike is a very calm, go with the flow type of person. He gets things done, is incredibly smart, and is up for any shenanigan that I tell him we’re doing. Last year the guy was a sheep for Halloween because I wanted to be Little Bo Peep so bad, so he did the walk of shame through the party for me. His love language is physical contact, and loves being right next to me. There is no sense of personal space for him. If I was glued to him, he would love it.
I am not a calm by nature type of person. I am bossy, I have to be in charge of everything, and things stress me out. I get stuff done like a boss, but am on high octane most of the time so I have a problem with taking in my surroundings, sitting still, and just “being”. I hate being touched too much. I get crowded and bothered and need my space and my own side of the bed.
We sound like the perfect match, don’t we?
I think that the reason I was drawn to Mike in the beginning was because we had the same core values, but I also loved all the ways we was different from me. I needed him to be different that me. Let’s be honest, I could never be married to someone who is as stubborn and bossy as I am. It was like I found a person who was who I wanted to be, and he found someone who added a little sass to his life. The other day Mike looked at me and said, “I’m glad you’re sassy, or my life would be so boring.”
It breaks my heart with how high divorce rates are, how many husbands and wives feel like the other person just doesn’t get them or care about their feelings, and how many fights come from a difference in opinion. I wrote a post a few weeks ago about how marriage isn’t 50/50, but it’s 100/100. So, what I’m about to say won’t work unless both partners put in their best efforts.
Marrying someone different than me has allowed my life to become more whole. His strengths make up for my weaknesses, and visa versa. There are things that each of us do that bugs the other person, and that’s okay. We’re different. You’re goal in marriage shouldn’t be to change your spouse. And, in fact, the only person you can change is yourself. If their are things they do that bother you because it’s not how you do things, fix your tolerance. If you can’t agree on activities or dinner or how to make the bed or what time of day the sprinklers should go on… it is okay. As much as I hate to admit this, I’m not always right. Don’t tell my husband I said that or his whole world will be turned upside down. But I’m guessing, that you’re not always right either. It is okay to not always be right. I won’t say the “w” word, because that just makes me uncomfortable, but allowing your significant other to help you fix your imperfections is what will help your love for them grow, bring you closer together, and build trust.
As people, we don’t want to be hurt. We don’t want to be vulnerable and left wide open to be exposed to someone else. But that’s what marriage is, and that’s what it is supposed to be. And when you find the right person, the scariness of it all turns to happiness and joy because it is reciprocated, and the two of you, together, become whole. I’ve met a lot of people who are afraid to be married. It’s okay, I was unsure of the whole thing myself. But here’s what I know:
1- Love takes work and when two people work together towards the same goal, amazing things happen. But expectations about what that goal looks like need to be very clear so that nobody is let down.
2- Imperfect people trying to perfectly love each other can be pretty messy sometimes. Forgive, communicate, say sorry, and realize that there will be bumps in the road. It’s okay.
3- The parts of you that you are afraid to let anyone see, is what your partner needs to know the most about you. Going through life feeling like you have to deal with hard things on your own is lonely, scary, and pretty impossible to deal with.
4- Life has more meaning when your focus is on someone else’s happiness other than your own.
5- You are deserving of someone being absolutely, completely, head over heels in love with you.