Sometimes I look at the phrases in my analytics that people type into google that lead them to find my blog. Today there was a question that left me picturing the person out in the universe who was on their end of the computer, feeling the weight and the pain of life and needing an answer because they ran out of places to look, and so one letter at a time they slowly typed,
“How do you let go of things that make you sad?”
And then they pressed enter, with tears dropping from their eyes. And they landed here, on my blog. And I pictured them searching and scrolling and ending up disappointed because there wasn’t a spelled out answer on here. There wasn’t a quick fix or a proven solution or a pill they could pop in and suddenly feel all the joy in the world with one swallow. I wish I had that for them, for you… heck, I wish I had that for myself.
But I do have some answers. And I do want to tell you that you’re going to be okay. I don’t know when, but you will. I promise you.
I hope these 6 things can help you let go and move forward:
1- Acknowledge the sadness: I have a friend who has become a great source of strength in my life this past year, and recently she has gone to hell and back. Actually, she might still feel stranded in the hell part, but she endures and is an angel in the midst of it. She told me something a couple of months ago, that went a little something like this, “Sometimes you just have to allow yourself to feel all of the pain. All of it. You have to let it consume you, and acknowledge it and let it creep into every corner. Its only then, that you allow yourself to begin to heal.” Acknowledging the sadness is a vital step to ever being able to let it go. It’s going to hurt and you’re going to feel like collapsing on the floor sometimes, and it’s okay.
2- Fill your voids with other meaningful things: Sadness comes because of so many different situations. Sometimes it’s because of our own bad choices, other times its the choices of others that affect us. Often, they are just circumstances that we find ourselves in that came from no fault of anyones. But all of the situations that bring on sadness make us feel the same: empty. The perpetual pit in your stomach and the sunken heart that you can’t reignite no matter how hard you try. You need to start filling that hole so it can heal. Service, meditation, uplifting hobbies, more time with your family, a break from your routine, music… whatever “it” is for you, begin to fill your empty well.
3- Don’t feel guilty about being happy: Some of you gave a little chuckle of a sigh when you read this because you know exactly what I’m talking about. You feel guilty when you start feeling happy, so you fight it off. You’e gotten so used to standing in the storm, that when the sun comes out you go and dump your own bucket of water on yourself because you’re not sure if you’re allowed to feel the warmth. Don’t cheat yourself. Don’t belittle your worth. And don’t think that you have to doom yourself into suffering forever.
4- Forgive- Sometimes this can’t happen for a while. Sometimes if there is a person causing your sadness, you need time to forgive them. Take that time. You’ll have to process the loss, the anger, the frustration, the betrayal, and the broken relationship. But, when the season is right, you must forgive. Holding on to all of that negativity that someone else has caused in your life will bring you down. It will burry you, and cause you to become cynical and quick to hold grudges on others who don’t mean you harm. Forgive. Forgiveness doesn’t mean allowing that person back it, but it means moving on. One time, I started this process by praying to just feel nothing for the person who I had such bad feelings towards. Start somewhere, and move forward. And sometimes, the person that needs to be forgiven, is yourself.
5- Write a letter: There is something very therapeutic about this. Write a letter to the very thing that’s causing you sadness. Whether it be a sickness, death, a loss, fear, confusion, a break up, divorce, family problems… whatever it might be, write it a letter. Express every feeling you have about it. Then put that letter in a box and know that your feelings that you’ve kept buried deep within you are now out, safely, into the universe. And it’s not yours alone to bare any more.
6- Keep Living: I will tell you, this is the one I struggle with the most. When I feel sadness or despair it is hard for me to carry on with my normal life. Some days you chalk yourself up a win on the board because you were able to merely get out of bed and brush your hair. Other days you win because you are super woman and feel like you just won president of the United States. You’ll feel this cycle of feelings for a while, so expect it. But keep living. Don’t rob yourself of your one, precious life. You limiting what you do in life because of your circumstances will only fuel your pain. Live. And remember to breathe.
If any of you need a place to anonymously leave your sadness, please feel free to do so in the comments below. I read every single thing you write. On here, on my Instagram, on Facebook… So I just want you to know that your pain is acknowledged and I am aware.